I wonder why these
moments attack me whilst I am so innocently and hopefully indulging myself
in the 'now' and planning for the immediate future.
If I see the inside of my head in picture form,
then a clear visual of synapses firing in my brain (all thoughts have
electrical impulses which immediately affect in small or large measure the
rest of the body) repeating the same ugly sorrows again and again.
But such is the nature of grief and the synapses
which nuke all other thought patterns just happening to go on their merry
Anyway, after I had finally stopped my
woeful wailing, I got fed up to my back teeth with this entire business of
missing my mate. I am just so over feeling like an abandoned dog on
the highway and remaining in a state of perpetual bewilderment and terror.
It is time to pull myself towards myself, accept
my loss as part of life and move on into my tomorrow.
I am unable to change one iota of what has
happened or how my world collapsed. My life has been suspended like a mote
of dust after a building has imploded - eventually it must fall or fly away
on a swirl of air. I have survived and now
it is time to go on.
The love, tenderness and extremes of thought may
in time be treasured by someone else. It is okay now, I think, I hope.
Time to forgive myself and move on.