I wonder why these moments attack me whilst I am so innocently and hopefully indulging myself in the 'now' and planning for the immediate future.

If I see the inside of my head in picture form, then a clear visual of synapses firing in my brain (all thoughts have electrical impulses which immediately affect in small or large measure the rest of the body) repeating the same ugly sorrows again and again.

But such is the nature of grief and the synapses which nuke all other thought patterns just happening to go on their merry little way.

 Anyway, after I had finally stopped my woeful wailing, I got fed up to my back teeth with this entire business of missing my mate. I am just so over feeling like an abandoned dog on the highway and remaining in a state of perpetual bewilderment and terror.

It is time to pull myself towards myself, accept my loss as part of life and move on into my tomorrow.

I am unable to change one iota of what has happened or how my world collapsed. My life has been suspended like a mote of dust after a building has imploded - eventually it must fall or fly away on a swirl of air. I have survived and now it is time to go on.

The love, tenderness and extremes of thought may in time be treasured by someone else. It is okay now, I think, I hope.