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this is the beginning of a new day dawning for a determined, slightly demented immigrant

Ranting, Raving & Coffee Conversation

Lately, I have had this sensation of excitement, of change, of hope. I have kind of nudged towards going back to Florida.

Choices are tricky things and entail life-altering pathways and chains of events and altered destinies and such. Choices are also freeing.

Getting older makes one so cautious but then again - you get people like me - who still cannot resist the call of the Wild Blue Somewhere Else. I could go to the west coast or the south coast. No definite persuader one way or the other. I like Florida. I like California. I have a couple of friends in both places. 

This time I am on my own, without the false comfort of being loved. I liked the palm trees, the heat, smooth inlets and long bridges crossing over vast expanses of water. It seems geared for sports. I like to run, cycle and hop into a boat.

Naturally, I did not like the riff-raff and vaguely human elements who looked like they would run off with the neighbors' children - give them half a chance. I dislike too many people and let me tell you this - Florida is very full. Oh boy! I am beginning to talk myself right out of going there.

  Back to my choice between Florida or California. Why am I hesitant of going back to California? Because I am no longer 30 years old and the movie business is definitely a place for the young and the 'do-able'.

I am a TV broadcast professional - unable to find my niche` here in the south - not surprising when, in general, the population views anyone with an accent as almost not human and something to be cautious of - and dear lord in heaven - never ever to help in getting a job. My word! she may even be good at it and then the sun will no longer shine on my own head. Wow! she dresses so well, speaks so eloquently, loves learning new stuff, gets on well with people - most definitely a threat and still rather cute.

Therefore, do not help her, do not give her a break.  Anyway, now I am working myself up into a tizz and here I am trying to make a decision about where to go. I long for coastal living - a not too cold coast.

Please, Life, deliver unto me at least some of my dreams!

Yucky poo! to despair and poverty and a lack of recognition in one hell of a hard country where people are competitive and will never allow a space for you. You have to kick open a space. I hope to again become an employer. Be sure of one thing, I will never use an HR firm -EVER! I will not employ the smug and never-been-desperate people. I will employ those that are trying to become better at their jobs or beginning a new profession. It is not about being rich for me - it used to be - now it is simply to have enough, be loved by friends and satisfied with my work.

  So now that I have bragged about all this stuff what can I actually do? - I can write what I mean; I can conceptualize ideas and make them come to fruition for the purpose of TV, film,  and website development. I know about interesting things from many places. I have been to 17 countries.

I studied as a nurse but did not choose to follow that profession. I do not like the medical profession and absolutely loathe research facilities. I am a vegetarian, I prefer communication with animals to people, although my gift at communication with humans is pretty developed and I am told I have a certain charm and people are drawn to me - but the thing is, although when I meet people I can usually see into them, I do not really - not usually, anyway - want to have them added onto my circumference. I was suckered one time and will not willingly be again!

I say what I say and mean what I say when I meet them. But that's it! No following me home. I am deeply mistrustful of most people with romantic intentions. I take no pleasure in those stupid interactions with people. It really gets old. I have had enough of that. I had thought I had found my mate but - as I have said before - it was only one sided.

I had my heart torn right from my chest in Florida by someone whom I had believed was truly my friend. I have a survivor's instinct and insight into the human soul bones but I was completely caught unawares by the venom and hatred which erupted towards me the day I returned - all broken - from California. It is most peculiar to me that I still love this individual - despite the hatred directed towards me. I am curious as to why - for real. But be that as it may - I do still like Florida and wish to return -even though the pain of my last departure still smolders. Let me bemoan my intense dislike of human resource professionals. They SUCK as a species. They lie, ingratiate themselves with the payer and treat potential employees with disdain - rather like Nazi party supporters. 'Fit the mold or perish'! H.R-ians (see! - I told you they're Nazi's - like the Aryan bull that Hitler spun) lie when they claim they want independent thinkers and creativity. Actually all they want is a little clone with adequate - not exceptional - skills and absolutely no inkling of independent thought. Enough digression.