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iExploreAmerica

an unorthodox journey

 

Deep Waters & Introspection on a Friday night

At times I look life with a rather jaundiced eye. Jaundiced because the storms that toss the waters of my world tend to be so rough that no equilibrium remains. Mostly, I just try to figure it all out so that I can steer my small life's vessel with some safety on a very stormy sea. I think I must be a rather bad sailor because I so seldom sail smooth waters.

The last two years have been the most rocky and dangerous and many a time I thought I might drown. Maybe it wasn't that things were rougher than before - I can't really say for sure. 

Prior to that I had felt a new  sense of safety for several years. It took a while for me to realize that the calm was not a danger and that I could sail happily on through the rest of my days. I was in love and truly believed that I was loved in return. I felt my sails begin to fill with a strong, steady wind and the waves easier to negotiate. The moon shone brighter, the day began to fill with colors of childhood. 
And then...I shipwrecked and thought I would die. But I didn't. Obviously.
But still, I wonder and wonder what strange currents continue to churn in me that compel me over the edge of my known world.
It's true, I can't go back, can't look back. On lonely days, I wish it could've worked out differently. It is a salty tear that spills. 

 

Keep on your journey, Friend. Dreams change. Find joy in something.