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It happens every morning. I open my
eyes and say "Good morning, my love". The funny thing is,
mental stability questions aside, you are not there. You haven't been
there for a long time. Almost two years. I have my coffee in the morning
and in my mind you put it in my hands. If you only had known how very
much I loved you, if you only had known. Would it have made a
difference?
For some reason my Self cannot comprehend
that you are not there. I have tried in every way to forget, move on,
let go. I can say only this: I could more easily cut out my heart from
its cage than stop loving you. Time goes by and I am aging fast and
still you are with me. It was that feeling of destiny, of coming home at
last, of 'oh, so this is what I was born to do'.
I still talk to you, as if you are
sitting across the room. I look at my state of the heart and I try to
ask myself why there is no tomorrow without you. Is it because, for the
first and only time, I believed that somebody really loved me for who
and what I am? Is it because I saw something in you which triggered my
entire being to become infused with love? I don't know any of the
answers. I only know that I love you.
I try to think of you as a lover who died
and I walk as widows have walked for all these thousands of years. I
work, I function, I still dream dreams ...and I have my coffee in the
morning. |